Poop on you

Now that the kids are all playing upstairs,
I thought I’d share with you my wares.
But where to even begin, to wind back I wonder,
There was no lightening today, but surely some thunder.
As I was sitting on the couch listening to the boys bicker,
I thought, “today they get a haircut,” maybe even earn a sticker.
Mikie is always agreeable and went ahead first as usual.
Jack’s turn brought fighting, lip and at times made me delusional.
All the while Molly was lurking around and “helping,”
Bean would occasionally walk by with her barking and yelping.
Give Molly a fake haircut and she’s thinks she’s a beauty queen,
All three in the downstairs shower, out comes the vacuum for me to clean.
I notice dry leaves all scattered in our mudroom, so I start there first.
Figuring I’ll vacuum up the hair once that was done, didn’t realize it was cursed.
Vacuum away I am with no light on at all,
A dark spot in the corner needed a repeated vacuum call.
But that didn’t seem to pick up the dry leaves lying there,
That’s when the stench came to eye level and gave me a stare.
That wasn’t a leaf pile nicely packed away in the corner,
But a pile of Bean’s poop brought in by the boys, I became a mourner.
On the light comes to see the poop that’s now everywhere.
And alls I was going to do was vacuum up that stupid hair!
Take a step back and wonder what I’m gonna do,
The inside and belt and all of the vac is now covered in poo.
Out comes the paper towel, caramel apple sticks and cleaner.
The more I had to scrape and dig, the more I became meaner.
Figuring the mudroom rug now covered in tidbits of poop was toss-able,
I hear Mike yell from the shower, “I’m bleeding!” Is that possible?
So I go to check out and almost break my neck on the wet floor,
Mikie sure enough had found a razor and wondered just what it was for.
Making a straight little cut across his chest did he,
Bleeding and soon realizing a razor ain’t for glee.
Clean up his wound (don’t worry I washed up good),
Then get at least a diaper on Molly all wet there as she stood.
Yell up to Jack to help Molly find clothes and get dressed,
Of course, just like the haircut, it wasn’t without protest.
I explain I have poop and blood to pickup that take first gettin’,
He quickly agreed his task at hand is worth getting up from sittin'.
I still have to tip toe through the kitchen with hair all abound.
And my extra caramel apple stick helped in the vacuum to get around.
Wipe down the 4 stacks of feces that remained sticking to the floor,
Roll up the rug, along with my cleaning tools and open the back door.
Out I head into the fall leaves with bare feet and my mess,
Only to step in a neato pile of Bean’s poop, all nice and FRESH.
I stopped in my steps and said, “No this can’t be true!”
But it was, no denying it, in between my toes was poo.
Back in the house trying my “labor” type breathing to keep this mind over matter,
Still with wet kids, hair on the floor and my brain growing even fatter.
“Where is my paycheck?” I remember saying with a mean look,
With the cleaning supplies, breathing and paper towel this took.
To come in and finally clean up the hair that was the beginning you see,
Spotting something on the kitchen rug… what was it? It couldn’t be!
Fortunately it wasn’t really, but chocolate from the day before,
From making cupcakes for Mikie’s Halloween party and what remained was one more.
That had been on the counter since making too many yesterday,
Jack quickly chimed in during my cleaning, “can it be mine?” Umm, neigh.
That cupcake was calling my name and after all that I had just been through,
I can honestly say that I followed the quote today of “poop on YOU!”